So glad it's over...

The holidays, that is. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster not being able to participate in Christmas stuff, being that Christmas was my favorite holiday! (Do me a favor and don't tell my mom that her very Jewish little girl's favorite holiday was XMAS! Too bad for her! :) I know what I missed most was the notion of tradition and family. What made it better was being able to spend time with Todd and his family since Keith had the kids. On XMAS day I went at 6:15am to Keith's house to watch the kids open their presents from Santa. They were too cute! Every gift Sarah opened was followed by a squeal and a "How'd Santa KNOW I wanted this???" Or a "Santa's the BEST!!" Zack's mission, on the other hand, was the tear through as much wrapping paper as he could in the shortest amount of time! I don't think he actually looked at anything until later in the day! Santa definitely spoiled them rotten, but that's ok! It all stays at daddy's house! :) That afternoon I went with Todd and Ashley to Todd's mother's house for a little while. It was a great time and even better food! Too bad I had to leave early...Hanukkah this year was a blur. It's apparent to me as the kids get older how much I enjoy traditions. Something to look forward to year after year...something predictable and exciting. There certainly wasn't much of that this year. Plus dealing with disappointed 5 year olds who didn't get THE BEST presents every night or get to open all of them in just one night. I know it's impatience but frustrating for mom. Last night, after postponing it due to a snowstorm, I had my Hanukkah party here. It was great having my parents, Todd and Ashley, Terry, Cousins Aaron and Kristin, Jessica, Nathan Jake and Aliyah! The only one missing was Opa. (who is fantastic, by the way...will be 99yrs old in March!) Both my parents are fighting colds and didn't want to expose him to any germs. Despite Sarah's 2hr tantrum for g-d only knows what, the party was great!! It's so nice to have everyone all together! I wish I could do it more often. I'm still on vacation for another week and dealing with work crap, but that will have to wait until another post. I'm thankful that the holiday hoop-la is over and hopefully things will now quiet down. Here's to a fantastic 2009, full of happiness, health and fun!!

Officially Going Crazy

But I am so much in love!! AHHhhhh...I had to say it and where better than here?!?! Few know how serious our relationship is primarily because I don't want to hear about how short of a time we've been dating, yada, yada, yada. I maybe in the clouds but I am also very much grounded and know exactly what I'm getting myself into. Every day that goes by I am blown away more and more by my feelings for Todd! I don't remember smiling so much, wanting to talk to someone, be with someone the way I do with him! We both say that even though we've only known each other since August, we feel like it's been years! There is very little that we DON'T talk about and the conversations flow so smoothly! There have been times were I've freaked out a little bit and I'm very honest with him...sometimes to the point where I wonder if I'm too honest. But he's always so understanding and makes me feel so good about myself! We definitely have an equitable relationship but both go out of our ways to make the other happy. When I call him he answers with a "Hi Beautiful!" Ugh...I honestly can't get enough of this guy. I went to counseling a few weeks ago and she said what stuck out to her was my talking not too long ago about feeling that my standards in a man were way too high. I would tell her that I was ok that my standards were so high. It meant to me that I would never settle, that I know what I deserved and what I want in a partner and if it never happened, so be it. Well, Todd not only meets all the standards I have but actually exceeds them in ways I never took into consideration! We have the same philosophies regarding family, both want more children, both relatively traditional and very active parents. He is very familiar with the Jewish religion and respects it for me and the kids and wants to be a part of that with us. He is great with my kids but not overboard...definitely lets them go at their own pace. They LOVE him!! I find myself sometimes wondering when the rug is going to be pulled out from under me because can things really be this good?? Did I feel this way when Keith and I started dating? But I was 18 years old and life was very different then. My priorities were different. Keith was different. And that brings me to my other fear...that he is great and normal now but what will happen in a year, in 5 years?! I can't predict the future, obviously, but I'm realizing more and more lately that he is worth the risk. Who knows what will happen as time goes on with this relationship but I do know that I can't imagine my life without him now. I also know that if things don't work out, I will be fine. I'm strong and I've proven to myself that I am just fine on my own. I can support my kids, my house, enjoy my job and have good friends. Todd just makes that all so much more. Ok, I said it before...I am completely and utterly in love with this man...and officially going crazy! Guess i just wanted you all to know it.

Installing a Husband

INSTALLING A HUSBAND


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many
other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then
installed undesirable programs such as: NHL 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate



Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a
very bad program that will download the Passing Gas and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 - program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck
Tech Support

There's A First Time For Everything

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Jason Golub was my date for my senior prom, but the first prom I went to was with Jon Cohen.

2. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Hmmm...I can't remember, but it was something peach I had in England with Richard and all of his friends...maybe he'd remember.

3. What was your FIRST job?
Besides babysitting? Had to be Kelly's Kone Konnection.

4. What was your FIRST car?
Mom's Mazda 626...I was hot shit!!

5. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
Ugh...Keith.

6. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
Either Zack or Todd...I knew Zack wasn't feeling well when he went to bed last night and Todd...well, he's Todd! ;)

7. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Can you believe I don't remember? Maybe my mom will....

8. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Had to be to Florida to visit my Omi and Opa.

9. Who was your FIRST best friend, and are you still friends with him / her?
Has to be Marci and we'll be friends forever!

10. Who was your FIRST kiss?
Josh Chizzick...behind the mess hall dumpster at Laurelwood.

11. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
Ugh again, Keith.

12. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Yell at my kids?! Does that count?

13. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
I think it was a dirty dancing concert...or maybe it was New Kids On The Block. Not sure.

14. What was your FIRST tattoo or piercing?
Tattoos??? Are you kidding?? I got my ears pierced around age 8. Never anything else pierced...it'll never happen!

15. What was the FIRST foreign country you went to?
England at 10 years old

16. What was the FIRST movie you saw in the theater?
ET...maybe?!

17. When was your FIRST detention?
Freshman year in high school...right before I got suspended.

18. What was the FIRST state you lived in?
Connecticut

19. Who was the FIRST person to really break your heart?
Hmmm....I'd have to say Gisella. If this means love life, than Liam.

20. With whom was your FIRST date?
Jason Dumeer

21. What was your FIRST pet?
Pippen

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Dana Sigall

23. Who was your FIRST love?
Josh Chizzick...as innocent as it was in 6th grade!

24. What was your FIRST screen name?
twinmommy2003

25. When did you have your FIRST baby?
This should read babies...August 14, 2003

Parent/Teacher Conferences

This past week I had both kid's conferences with their teachers. Both kids are doing very well! Both say that Zack and Sarah are good friends, listen well, follow directions and are very attentive. She said they are right on target for all of their learning and are testing between mastery kindergarten and emerging first grade. She said their prereading and writing skills are great. I was so happy to hear it! Both teachers said they would have never known that they are the youngest in the class. That was something I was concerned about and I'm relieved to hear it isn't a problem...yet. Sarah's teacher sees none of the anxiety I see at home. I explained to her the different conversations Sarah and I have had at home pertaining to school so she was aware of it should it come up in school. She also said that Sarah is very patient in completing her work in school, even though she has zero patience at home at times! Zack's teacher says he is handling the other students well (the classroom trouble-makers) and will speak up for himself as needed. She says he is shy and does better socially in a smaller group. I've seen that at home as well. She also commented on how well he works independently, despite the chaos at times in her classroom...at least SHE admitted it! :) Just 2 very different classrooms! So, that's about it! Both are doing great! And thankfully, it seems the torture is saved for me alone at home. Oh great...

Hanging my head in shame

Yes, it's been 2 months since I have updated this blog. Bad me! Bad me! It has been a whirlwind 2 months to say the least. I will start and update on the kids...

Zack and Sarah are both doing tremendously well in kindergarten! They seem to really enjoy it, have made good friends and the teachers can not speak any better about each of them! (So far...haven't had the parent/teacher conferences yet!!) They are separating fine and it isn't even brought up anymore that they don't see each other much in school. The minor issues have been some bullying in Zack's class, which seems to be fine now, Sarah ever-present anxiety about missing the bus, fire drills, going to the nurse, forgetting her folder...poor baby! I have initiated nighttime talks with her every night to try to help with her anxiety. We talk about everything, especially things that are bothering her. She was beginning to get stomach aches from the worrying but that has definitely improved. I think we have a long road ahead but we just have to take it one day at a time!

The kids had a fantastic Halloween! They carved pumpkins with daddy and he came over to go trick or treating. It was the first time they were really excited and actually made it the entire block! Enjoy the pictures...





Since the last time I updated, I was told that Sarah needed glasses. She was very excited at first because she looked like her momma, but the novelty of it all has worn off. She wears them but would rather not. Sorry kid!! It looks like Zachary will need some mouth guards or something soon because his jaw is out of line. That should be interesting to have a 5 year old understand that he has to keep it in his mouth...I'm just picturing Anthony Michael Hall from whatever 80's movie that was!!

Zachary started hockey and is a natural on the ice. Unfortunately he has decided that he doesn't like it and would rather not skate on a team. Keith was able to be an assistant coach and I think his best intentions backfired. He would freak out when Keith would even look at another child and did not understand that he was there to help the entire team. He thrived with his father's undivided attention but it wasn't possible in that atmosphere. So now I think Keith will just spend time with him on the ice and teach him alone rather than pushing the team. But, he looks awfully cute in his equipment!!



Sarah is also doing ballet and tap every Saturday morning and LOVES it!!! She has made some good friends in her class and is counting down the days until her recital in May! Poor thing has no idea she has to still wait 7 months!


So, overall, both kids are thriving!

Now to my update...I've actually been dating someone for a while...ok, not too long but it's certainly a whirlwind romance! I can honestly say I haven't been happier in years. Obviously things are going well and I can only hope it continues to go well. Sorry...no pictures here!! Not yet! ;)

Doing Great!!

I just wanted to post a quick update since the drama from the fist day at school. All has been well for both kids. Both say they love school, come home telling me stories about various friends, what they are learning, and enjoying their teachers. Every once in a while Sarah comes to me asking why she and Zack have to be in separate classes but a brief and vague answer seems to be sufficient for now. They do see each other at the playground and say they play with each other. Yesterday they told me that they are introducing the friends they have in their classes to each other at the playground. The bus rides have been uneventful, thank goodness!! Now it's hugs, kisses and Bye Mom!! That's it! Phew...

They had their 5yr check up at the pediatrician yesterday. Both are perfectly healthy. Sarah is 42 1/2 inches tall and 38lbs. Zack is 42 inches tall and 43lbs. Both had significant growth spurts but are doing very well. Sarah did fail her eye test so on the 17th we'll be visiting a specialist to see if glasses are in her future. Wouldn't surprise me since BOTH Keith and I wear glasses and I was in Elementary school when I first had to wear them. I hope she doesn't, but if she does, no big deal. Otherwise all is good. It's nice to hear the pediatrician say "Keep up the good work! They are such well adjusted, happy children!" I left there feeling very proud to be their mom.

Kindergarten, here we come!!!

Well, all was good until the bus came. The kids have afternoon kindergarten so we played all morning, talking about school, getting ready for school and doing everything we could to make it as easy as possible. Keith was here and they were fine when we took them to the bus stop. They were playing around all excited. As soon as the bus pulled up both broke down into hysterics, clinging to our legs and screaming on the top of their lungs. The monitor basically took them (better yet, helped us peel them from our legs) and put them on the bus. As soon as they got on the bus they had to talk to the driver and have her change something on their name tag. (Don't get me started on the craziness that is the bus company....)I was watching through the window of the bus and saw that they weren't crying anymore. That made me feel a little better. (ok, a tiny bit better) I had told Keith ahead of time that I wanted him to leave once the kids left. I did not want to entertain him...he has a house 5 minutes away! So he left and I kept myself busy for the afternoon by draining my pool and mowing the lawn and grocery shopping. Keith and I went back to pick them up. The first bus came by which was their morning driver and she said that Zachary was left behind at the school. She recognized him so she brought him home. The whole time I'm thinking she is talking about my neighbor's son. Never did I think it was MY Zachary! Off he comes like it was no big deal! Finally Sarah's bus comes and Keith and I talk with the driver to find out what happened and to make sure it never happens again. I guess the school lines the kids up based on the bus number on their name tag (what they had fixed when they got ON the bus earlier!!). Either he was put in the wrong line or just not put in any line, but thank god the other driver noticed him. His afternoon driver said that she knows him now and would make sure he is with his sister on every drive home. Sarah didn't seem to care that he wasn't there. That shocked me since she has always been lost without him. One day separated and all of a sudden she is Ms. Independent? She said "I told her that Zack was missing." AND??? Whet the hell? I'm going to write his teacher a note to send in his backpack telling her what happened and to make sure it doesn't happen again. I don't know who's responsibility it is to NOT LOSE MY SON!!! Ugh. So, when they came home Sarah wouldn't stop talking about her day. She made a friend named Jordan who she talked about constantly. She told us what she did, what the teacher said, what the kids were like, what everyone wore, even what snacks they brought! Zack, on the other hand, said nothing. Everything was "I don't know." Or "I don't remember." At one point when Sarah was talking about doing something he said "I didn't get to play at all. Only learn." He was pouting. They did said that neither cried in school, which was good, and both said they liked their teachers. Sarah seems excited to go back tomorrow but Zack is already telling me he doesn't want to go. He told me at bedtime that he doesn't want to go and I can teach him so he gets smart. He won't need school to get smart. I tried to reassure him that he did the same thing in preschool but ended up loving it. I told him that mommy would never put him in danger or make him do something he didn't want to do, but school was something he had to do. He seemed ok after talking about it, but we'll see what tomorrow will bring. I know it's a tough transition and the first time he and Sarah are separated but I hope it isn't something more. We'll see! Here are the pictures I took of them before they got picked up. I HAD to take a picture of the actual bus because I had wanted to take a picture of them boarding the school bus, but it wasn't possible. Oh well. Enjoy!

Hanging my head in shame...

Wow! Ya think after a month it's about time for an update?!?! Gosh, everyone! I'm sorry!

Let me go backwards because it's easier for me...Zack and Sarah are now 5 years old!! I can't believe 5 years ago I held tiny (and I mean teenie tiny) newborns in my arms and began the wonderful journey of parenthood. (Bear with me for a minute while I gush...) I would not have changed a single minute of the last 5 years. Of course I would have changed how many times I yelled rather than stayed calm, how many times I jumped to conclusions, how many times I said no before really thinking it though, how many times I struggled with my discipline, let them do things they really shouldn't have, rushed when I should have reveled in the moment or spent too much time dealing with me and missing opportunities to make new memories with my angels. But, really?! Who hasn't?? So, it's not news to me that I'm less than worthy for the mom of the year award, but when it's all said and done, I think my kids are pretty damn great!

Zachary is just as laid back as he was at a week old which is good and bad. Sometimes I wonder if anything bothers him..."Zack, go in time out! Ok mom!" With a smile on his face! Other times I see him watching and studying things, learning how to do everything to the best of his ability. This includes sports. The little man is already hitting well to overhand (faster) pitches and will run and adjust himself to catch all the pop-ups he can. He amazes me with his athletic ability. We just signed him up for hockey and he will begin that in September. If he takes after his father, he will be better on skates than on his own two feet! He loves to build...anything! Legos, blocks, rocks, playing cards...anything he gets his hands on he will build something with. His imagination amazes me!

Sarah is very much the girlie-girl. If it's not pretty, lacy, sparkly, shiny, ruffled or jeweled than it's not good enough for her! She has definitely found her sense of style and takes pride in dressing herself up to the nines! She has also perfected her "mommy" ability with all her "babies." These include her new pride and joy Nathan, Jacob, Sally, Big Baby, Lucy, Steve...I'm sure I'm missing a dozen or so. And she knows exactly who is who and what goes with what! Her patience is non existent lately and she is beginning to grow into her personality, her very loving, caring and stubborn personality. She is also the most inquisitive child I have ever met. She is constantly asking me questions...and very thoughtful questions! It's always why, why, why, how come, how come, etc. I know it's a sign of learning and growth, but it tries a mom's patience. Now we make a joke out of it, but the last thing I want to do is quash the curiosity she has. I think it's wonderful! I want her to keep asking...keep dreaming and keep pushing for bigger and better. Speaking of which, we signed her up for dance (tap and ballet) and she will begin this Saturday. If any of you remember, we've tried this already. The separation anxiety was too much and after battling with her for months, we allowed her to quit. Granted she was 3 years old...but now I am lightly holding my breath. She's been saying all summer that she wants to dance and be a ballerina. We went to the studio, she took the tour, met her instructor and is all ready to go...keep me in your thoughts this Saturday morning when I bring her for her first class.

Their birthday was the 14Th. Keith and I took them to Water Wizz...a water park about 45 minutes away. I definitely have one dare devil and one chicken! Bet you can't guess who is who?! :) All in all, the kids had a great day. We finished the day at my favorite restaurant...Japanese Hibachi style. What a treat for mommy as well. It's become my birthday spot with them. The three of us even went for MY birthday! Their party was yesterday and was a huge success! We even had a bounce house (again) but this time it wasn't picked up until tonight. Needless to say that's where we were at 7am all in our pj's! My poor neighbors...that's all I have to say.

Zack and Sarah begin kindergarten officially next Wednesday the 27Th. I am ok with the whole kindergarten thing, but not ok with the school bus. The thought of handing my children over to a stranger to drive them around without seat belts, car seats, nothing, scares the crap out of me. To say here you are...drive carefully...you are carrying precious cargo! We go this Thursday for their orientation. We will hopefully meet their teachers, see their classrooms, practice using the bus and hopefully meet some new friends. Thank goodness they got afternoon kindergarten. Now I can stay with them all morning each day, drop them off at the bus and then head to work when they go to school. Every day except Friday, but that's ok. Also they will have a new babysitter for after school. They will be going to my neighbor Michelle's house who will pick them up at the bus stop and keep them until Keith gets them at 6pm. Only a few hours 3 days a week. Not bad! She has 3 kids who Zack and Sarah play great with and I get to have peace of mind and save some money. It couldn't have worked out better!

Otherwise we all are well. Been spending way too much time with Keith lately because of their bday stuff and preparing for school. It ok for the most part, but than other days I notice how screwed up our boundaries are sometimes. I'm between a rock and a hard place because I want him to be a part of bday planning and school shopping (because I know I would want to be a part of that) but there are other days when I can't stand him! I notice more and more the reminders why I'm divorced from him...there is no doubt I'm better off! My house continues to come along slowly. It was helpful having the bday party here. Definitely lit a fire under my ass! I put up curtains, 2 pictures and finally put away more boxes. Ok, so some were just put in closets for the sake of the party, but hey?! They are away! :) It's getting there...definitely need to update with some pictures! In the meantime, enjoy these of my big girl and big boy!

Still believe in miracles...

Thank you everyone for your prayers sent to Breanna, my friend's daughter who just had surgery to remove a tumor. Well, prayers were answered and the pathology report came back that the cancer is dead. It was very large and unfortunately the incision is from her spine around to her nipple, but it was necessary to remove it completely. Now other than yearly blood tests, Breanna will recover and go back to being a feisty just-about 5 year old little girl...just the way it should be.

(Oh, and she came home today and is being well cared for by her 3 older siblings!! They sure are glad to spoil her right now! I'm sure it won't last! :) )

LOVE IT!!!

Power of prayer

I am a firm believer in the power of prayer so I am reaching out to all of you asking for your prayers and positive thoughts. I have a special friend from a message board I'm a member of who's daughter needs your prayers. Last night she was brought to the ER after swallowing a penny. The penny got stuck in her esophagus and while they were x-raying her chest to plan for surgery, they found a very large tumor in her lung. This tumor takes up the top half of one of her lungs and is pressing on her heart. The testing has begun to see if this is cancerous but all prayers are needed for this poor little girl. She will be 5 next month. Thank g-d for that penny!! Thank you...

Words are not even needed...

Buying a car tomorrow...

After months of looking, researching, test driving...(hey! If I'm going to pay for this, I better make sure I cover all my bases!!) I've decided to buy a 2007 Subaru Outback. I'm going tomorrow morning to show the kids the car and fill out all of the financing paperwork. Ouch...it's been nice NOT to have had a car payment for the last several years. Not any more!! My old car is literally falling apart little by little and has 140K miles on it!! Not reliable anymore and the gas milege sucks!! So, hopefully even though I will now have a car payment, the money I've been paying for gas will dramatically decrease. One can only hope, right? So, as I said...going to sign more of my life away tomorrow and hopefully I can pick the car up on Saturday. I will post pictures.....

My poor backyard!

Just another day...

What would have been my 8 year anniversary just passed on the 28th. Marci knew the day was coming and, assuming it would be difficult and emotional for me, sent me this heartfelt and wonderful email. Honestly I was a bit concerned about how I would handle it but once the actual day came, it was no different than any other day. That surprised me! Last year I spent the day with my parents, grandfather and kids in Florida. It was a tough day. It honestly is amazing to me the difference a year makes. It's so hard to go through the "firsts" in everything, but it's becoming more and more apparent how much easier the "seconds" are...and so on. As always it's the anticipation that's the worst. Hard to imagine I've been separated for 17 months and it's now been over a year since we went to court. When people ask me how long I've been divorced, I really don't know what to say! We went to court for the divorce in May of 2007 but there was a waiting period. Therefore it wasn't legal and final until September of 2007. So, have I been divorced since May? Or since Sept? Any ideas? Not that it really matters. When I see how far I've come it seems like it must have happened years ago, but other times it feels like it was just a few months ago. People I know are beginning to wonder why I'm not dating yet. I've been on a few dates over the last year but I still have very little interest. If it happens, fine. I'm still not ready to go out searching for anything. Not sure why but I know I'm not. So there! :)

Here's the rest of the update...

1. Allergies are kicking us all in the you-know-what! Poor Zack was coughing so hard tonight that he made himself throw up! Hopefully medicine will help.

2. We had the kid's parent/teacher conference this past week to discuss Kindergarten readiness and their progress over the last year. Both are right on track academically and are doing very, very well. She did mention that sometimes Zack's attention span is off but he is easily redirected. She said he is also really silly at times. (No, really?!) She attributes it to him being a boy (again...no, really?!) and young! A lot of the kids in their class are 10 or 11 months OLDER than my kids are. She doesn't see it as a problem because he is redirected so easily and because it isn't affecting his academics at all.

3. (MOST IMPORTANT!!!) The work on the new septic system began yesterday and as of 8:30 tonight, I am all hooked up to the new system!!! What was the first thing I did, you asked?? Flushed the toilet and then threw in a load of laundry! Ohh the simple things that make us happy!!! It's like it's my birthday!!! Then I look outside and see the disaster that is my backyard at the moment. Tomorrow morning I will go out and take some pictures. It's all dug up and destroyed. There are huge trucks and machinery parked right where my fence is supposed to be and tubes are sticking up all over the place from the sprinkler system. The kids have been loving the 10ft mounds of dirt in the yard and think their backyard is now a huge sandbox!! Thankfully the workers have been really good with the kids and have been talking to them about what they are doing and the machines they are using. Zack is in his glory! Sarah has finally stopped crying about it all and will actually go out and play and watch them. She doesn't mind now that she knows she won't fall in the holes and disappear forever (her words, not mine...poor kid!!). All that's left is to bury everything, fix all the landscaping, collapse and fill in both cesspools...ok, guess there's a lot left to do. But, who the hell cares?! I can do laundry now!! An I think I may just run the dishwasher tomorrow just for the hell of it!! ;)

4. Still trying to find someone to install the ceiling in my basement. The walls are painted and home depot installed the carpet this week. The room is GREAT!!! I wasn't sure who was more excited about it...the kids or the dogs?! Once the ceiling is in (and Nathan can install the new lighting) it will finally be done. But, at least the kids can go down there now, run around and play! I'm so glad I had it done. The painting is done on the inside of the house but I'm not happy with my room. He did a great job but the color isn't bright enough for me. Not sure what I'll do but I'm not concerned about it now. The pics don't show the decorations the kids put up in their rooms or their curtains. I'll post more another time.

Here are some pictures of the inside:

HE'S DRIVING ME TO DRINK!!!

I absolutely CAN NOT BE ALONE IN THIS SENTIMENT!! At least not amongst parents of preschoolers! G-d help me if I am! Zack is driving me absolutely crazy!!!! One minute is is lovey-dovey and sweet...next minute the devil must have taken over his body! He is whining and screaming over everything! He's fresh unless it's his way and he gets what he wants, when he wants it. He WILL not help out or do a damn thing for himself anymore, he's become mean...tonight he literally pushed his friend out of the way who was just standing there because wanted to walk by! He and Sarah love to play rough and I never stop it unless someone gets hurt or isn't listening to the other. I would hear Sarah constantly tell him to "stop!", "it's hurting me!", "please don't do that"...you name it and he completely ignores her! He will even chase her around the house to terrorize her with something that scares her JUST BECAUSE! I tell him not to do something and not even 10 seconds later (and sometimes even looking right at me) will do it again! I'm a broken record!! No punishment, yelling, rewarding...NOTHING seems to even faze him! He thinks everything is a joke and even laughs in my face! I'm at my whits end!! G-D HELP ME!!! I need a martini...anyone wanna join me??

(Disclaimer...I love both my children more than anything in this word...no matter how much they drive me crazy! However, some days (or ok, weeks!!) are harder than others! Usually when I get to this point is when he "snaps out of it" and my sweet little well-mannered boy is back! I'm waiting for that day...impatiently waiting but waiting none-the-less. I know he's in there!! I just have to coax him out! Come out, come out wherever you are!!!)

Mother's Day

I had a great, but rather unconventional Mother's Day. It began with Keith buying tickets to a Paw Sox game for his special day with Zack, not realizing the game was on Mother's Day. Woops! I said that's ok...I'll have a special day with Sarah...just mommy/Sarah time. It's rare that either one of us get time alone with either child so all of us were really looking forward to it. In the meantime, I received the wonderful news that Marci was graduating from Quinnipiac University on Mother's Day morning. This is a huge accomplishment for Marci...I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was a perfect day for a graduation. After the graduation, we visited with Opa for a while. I got some great pictures!! (Does he seem like he's 98 years old??)








From what Keith said, Zachary had a GREAT time on his boys-only day. All day today he had his catcher's helmet on and a bat in his hand. He even told his teachers all about it this morning. Sounds like everyone had a nice day!

Binkey Fairy...COME ON IN!!

It's official...my little boy is now a BIG boy and went to sleep tonight without his binkey!! First and only time in 4 1/2 years! He wrote his letter to the binkey fairy letting her know that he was ready to give her his binkey, for her to give it to Uncle Scott and Aunt Adi's new baby. I made the suggestion for him to give it up last night (probably suggestion #1,258,987) and it actually seemed to excite him. Granted it was 2am after he woke me up to help him find it under his bed. In a groggy voice I told him it was time to give it to the binkey fairy and he said "OK!!" I didn't mean at that moment but sure enough he brought it up again this morning! Tonight he put his binkey in the envelope with his letter and left it by the door for her to come and get it. All on his own. When I asked him what he hoped she would leave him as a gift, he said money. I asked him why and he said that way he could put it in his bank or go to the store. He seemed happy with that and went to sleep without making a sound!! I'm so proud of my big boy!! For the last year and a half I've been talking to him about giving it up. Every time he skirts the issue, changes the subject or adamantly refuses. I never pushed it because the pediatrician, dentist (and I) knew it was important for him to have this transitional object until we moved and got settled. It was always his one true security object. Sarah gave hers away shortly after Keith left but that was her decision. So, as most things that I worry about...he did it all on his own and without an issue of any kind. Proved me wrong...again! :) He truly was ready. My baby is now a big boy!!

Little by little...

After 2 extremely seamless and easy (is that actually possible?) closings, I've officially been living in MY new house (yes, i said MY house!!!) for 3 full days and it's coming along! Little by little the boxes are beginning to disappear. However, disappearing may actually mean just moved to the basement, but for now, that's ok! The kids can finally sit at the island in the kitchen, which they have been waiting to do! I'm going to begin to get estimates about painting the interior in the next few days. Once that is done the house will be amazing!! I'm not placing the furniture just-so yet and absolutely nothing on the walls until that is all done. Plus I can't forget about the basement! All in due time! All of us seem to be adjusting well. Keith, thank g-d, has been a great help with moving boxes, setting up tv's, computers, taking care of the animals, etc. I'm grateful for it. My friend said "Why would you let him do that in YOUR house now? It's not like it's his house anymore!" My answer to that is the more he is willing to do is less that I have to do. I'm done being a martyr. If someone offers to help, why wouldn't I take them up on that offer? (word of caution for those of you who offer just because it's the nice thing to do...expect me to actually take you up on your offer! :) ) The kids have done amazingly well! We drove to CT for Passover yesterday and more than a few times both kids told me how much they love their new house! It's so nice to hear. They've been sleeping well, adjusting to the new rooms, having everything they own still in boxes...they are great kids! The best so far has been me keeping busy around the house while the kids bounce in and out of the house to the backyard to play. I talk to them through the window and keep an eye on them, but feel 100% confident in the LOCKED fenced in backyard! How did I ever manage without it? Even the animals are adjusting. Hayle was my shadow for a day or so and never left my side but even she is pretty much back to normal. Overall, things are great! Thanks for keeping the kids and I in your thoughts...everything seems to be working out just the way it's supposed to!!

Today's the day!!

The moving company should be here in just under 2 hours! YEAH!!! And other than some odds and ends around, everything is packed!! Now I'm getting excited! Keith just left with the animals and kids to bring them to the vet to be kenneled (animals, not kids! Although sometimes I wonder...) It made me sad to think they would never come back to this house, but then again, so much better awaits them at the new house. I reminded Hayle about that last night when I had to carry her upstairs to bed. Need I remind you all that she is just about 90lbs! I'll be happy not to have to do that anymore! The kids are beyond excited but a little confused. This morning they went around saying good-bye to everything. They really seem to understand and I'm grateful for that. Even their teacher said she seldomly sees children as well adjusted as Zack and Sarah are. That means so much to me considering everything they have been through in the last year or so! Anyway...enough procrastinating. I'm sure something else needs to be done and sitting on the couch on the computer is not one of them!! :) Hasta La Vista, Baby!!

This sucks!

Nuf said...

Getting there!

Just a quick check in. I'm getting there with the packing, thanks to my parents and Keith. The garage, basement, most of the kids rooms, most of the kitchen, the playroom, dining room and sitting room are done. Today I tackled closets...now I know you don't need to hear all of this. I just wanted to update. 4 days until moving day and 5 days until the closing...

Tick, tock....Tick, tock...

Hear time ticking?? I certainly do (as I lay here on the couch with my laptop on my lap when I should be packing or something!!!) One week from today everything will already have been moved out of the house, the house will be all clean and ready for the new owners on Friday. We are all set for the Mass closing at 9am Friday morning and the RI closing at 2pm the same day. Ugh. Thank god my dad will be coming to help. After our closing Keith will take care of the kids for the day and get the animals from the vet before they close. So far, so good...I guess, with all the details and odds and ends. It amazes me how much I've had to be on the phone between attorneys, mortgage companies, insurance companies, cable companies, real estate agents, inspectors, etc. You name it...I've had to call them. This will be the 4th house I've owned but have never had to do all of this before...never realized how much Keith took care of before. It's all going well, thankfully, but my goodness! I've been good disciplining myself to pack or organize a little every night. Keith has been coming over almost everyday moving heavy things, taking trips to the dumpster (shhh...not allowed to do that!) and going through everything to get his stuff out and put it into storage. One more week...I can't believe it! I'll do the best I can to update before the move but if I can't...no fear...I have the cable company coming the day of the closing so that night I will have internet and phone access. YEAH!!! I won't have food in the house, but I will certainly be able to get online! Priorities...nice.

Packing, packing, and yet more packing...

Anyone wanna come and help??? :) Wishful thinking on my part. I am mostly done in Zack's room and just finished the dining room. Already cleaned out the playroom so that's just about ready to go...OHH MY G-D!!! How on earth did I acquire such crap?!?! I'm seeing things I haven't seen in years. Items I didn't even remember I had! Go figure. Most people would give things away, hold a yard sale, throw things out. Nope...not me. I look at it, say hell, it would take too much time to figure out what to do with it, so it gets wrapped in newspaper like all the rest and placed nicely in a box...not to be seen again for a long time. Probably!! Or better yet...the planning of a future yard sale...yeah right!! I make myself laugh!!! But, it is funny how you pack and pack and pack for what seems like hours and hours and all you've completed is one box if tea cups. UGH!! How is that actually possible? Alright...hours and hours is obviously an exaggeration, but it sure feels that way. I'm hoping the kitchen isn't as bad. I've already begun the kitchen, I'm about a third of the way done in Sarah's room. So, really it's not so bad. I just like to whine. What will help is that movers are coming to take the furniture out that Keith will take. That will include one of the living room sets, The kid's old bedroom sets, spare bedroom set, dining room set and odds and ends. Once that is done tomorrow, I will get a better idea of what is left over and what still needs to be done. I had a long talk with the kids tonight about what to expect when the movers come tomorrow to take some of "our" things away for daddy. Their biggest questions had to do with the size of the truck, who would drive the truck, could they help the movers and how big the men would be who are moving all of these things....seems like they'll be ok! I think they will enjoy watching it all tomorrow (as long as they stay out of their way or the kids will be spending some quality time with the dogs in their cages! Hahaha...just kidding!!!) I do know that watching all of this tomorrow will make the final move in a few weeks easier for them. They will know what to expect and what will happen. So far, so good...everything seems to be going smoothly. Woops...maybe I shouldn't have said that. DAMN superstition!!

Twin Power!!

Ok...yes, I'm picture happy. But how can I contain myself when I get such great shots like these??? Today I took Zack and Sarah for a playdate (and mom's too) with Sofia and Ava today. They had such a great time! I can't tell you how nice it is to spend some time with my friend while we hear giggling and playing in the other room (and sometimes some screaming and crashing!) :)

My Little Blue House

I wanted to share the pictures I took of the house. Most were taken today as a way for me to keep track of stuff. Some were older pictures the agent took last fall. Just click on this picture and it will bring you to the rest. Make sure you read the descriptions under each picture so you know what you're looking at. Thanks for looking!!

Photobucket Album

Enjoy these pictures, as I do!

Introducing "My Little Blue House"

This is for the kids...

Getting a bit closer!

Well, today was a big day for me. We had the inspection on my house in Uxbridge and after about 2 hours here, they found absolutely nothing to fix or take care of in any way. Wow!! I didn't think that was possible! The radon test still is being done, but no big deal because we have a walkout basement. I'm sure that will be fine as well. The other big thing today was that I applied for my very first mortgage on my own. It's an understatement to say that it has been a stressful couple of days because of this. Never before have I been more confused and overwhelmed. Let's face it, my brain just does not work in numbers! Forget about percentages, points, fees, etc. You lost me at hello!! Thanks to Rob and Keith, I was able to get to a more comfortable point to decide just WHO to go with. Keith was a big help. He spoke with the mortgage broker several times on the phone, read over all my information and answered any questions I had. He even sat down with me and went over my budget. For that I'm grateful, because I know he didn't have time to help me the way he did but as he said "If you are comfortable and settled, the KIDS will be comfortable and settled." Still nice. I know the emotional roller coaster I've been on over the last week! Tonight is the first time I can say that I'm relaxed. Hopefully I won't go to bed tonight with racing thoughts about money, funds, bills, credit reports, mortgages, moving vans, packing boxes...you get the picture. Things are falling into place slowly but Shirley. I'm still cautiously optimistic but optimistic, none-the-less! Now it's down to scheduling the inspection on the little blue house, having the appraisal completed and arranging for a moving company on the day of the closings. Ohh yeah...can't forget about packing!!!!

My "Little Blue House"

Yes...I said MY little blue house. My counter, counter offer today was accepted. I am cautiously excited as I still have to wait for the contract on this house first. We have the inspection on Wednesday and then it'll be all go to get the signed purchase and sales agreement hopefully by the end of the week. At some point this week I will sign the purchase and sales agreement on my new house and set up the inspections...yes it's backwards! As of now I will be closing on this house the morning of April 18th and then on my new house that same afternoon. Can't get anymore perfect than that!!!! Don't uncross those fingers, toes and eyes just yet...I will write more this week.

please, please...PLEASE!!!

Keep your fingers crossed for me. We received and accepted an offer on our house on Thursday and today I went out and made an offer on a house I fell in love with back in December. Thankfully that house was still on the market and better yet...they had lowered the price! What's better than that? So...please, please, PLEASE keep your fingers crossed for me that this all works out. I know I've said before that I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. The people wanting to buy my house had a contract on another house which fell through. They were an unexpected showing, loved it and put in an offer the following morning. The next day I'm looking through real estate listings for myself, getting a little sad because the house I love (I'll now refer to it as the blue house) was a bit too expensive. While looking that very minute, they lowered the price 15K! Right then and there!! So maybe, just maybe this was meant to be!! We have the inspection on our house on Wednesday and then can proceed with the purchase and sales agreement. I am a very superstitious person so will breathe a bit easier once that is done. They want to close on April 18th, so if all goes well...I'll be super busy over the next month!!!! I certainly hope I will be...but I will definitely update here once I hear anything.

Better yet...keep your toes and eyes crossed for me as well! Hey?! It can't hurt!!!

My Favorite Birthday Card

I always save the birthday cards I get in the mail until the day of my actual birthday. It's a lot of fun to sit with all my cards and open each one individually. I just had to share the one I got from Lisa Marie...I think Cheryl Hawkinson, from "Personal Expressions" must have known me! What do you think?

This isn't just your birthday,
it's the beginning
of a fresh new year of possibilities.
It might be a year full of events,
accomplishments and insights
you couldn't possibly imagine today.
In your next year,
you may meet new people
and see new things that will add
a new dimension to your life...
You may try something new
you've never considered before
or reach a goal
you never thought you'd attain.
In your next year,
you may gain an insight
that will change your outlook forever...
Your birthday isn't just another day-
It's the beginning
of a new chapter
in the wonderful,
ever-evolving story
of you.

My kids (thank you Keith) did well this year getting my gifts! We had cake last night with balloons and a dozen purple roses...had to be purple from Sarah! As a gift they got me a Pandora Bracelet and picked out a few charms. The little girl, the little boy and a heart from both so I can carry their love for me everywhere I go...I swear that came from them!!! Not me! Can they be any sweeter?? So, now I can build up my collection of charms. Marci got me the birthday present and the Chinese symbol for friendship. My parents and Opa got me a new camera. I just ordered it today and I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET IT AND USE IT!!!!! It's a digital SLR and I know will take the best pictures! I can't wait...can't you tell?!

So, overall it was a great birthday!! Amazing what a difference a year makes! Last year I wanted to sleep through all of this...couldn't wait for it all to be over! This year I had fun! I looked forward to it and relished in it all. Nothing really has changed...but I sure have!! :) It's nice to see, huh? Even Lisa pointed out to me tonight that she notices how much brighter my posts seem here. No more doom and gloom. Well, like my card says, this "isn't just another day- It's the beginning of a new chapter in the wonderful, ever-evolving story of [me]!"

Recent Update on Us

It seems that I'm beginning each post with "I know it's been a long time since I posted, but things have been very busy!" I think I should print that on a t-shirt and wear it all the time!! I know...who isn't busy?! I'm still trying to adjust to working the extra day each week. I may not seem like much to some people, but it's more difficult for me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I've been spoiled all these years by working part time. Having more flexibility to make plans, appointments, do things with the kids. Now not so much, but it isn't all bad. The extra money will be good...once it actually starts coming in. I'm still able to be here on Mondays at bedtime. I miss sports class but the kids don't seem to mind. Each week I leave Melissa my camera...just in case. No pictures yet but I'll make sure to post some when I get some. The kids say they are playing basketball now. I swear Ms. Tracy plans her sports around Zack's interests! She is such a wonderful and patient teacher!! Who else would VOLUNTARILY work with 2-6 year old classes to teach them sports?! Zack and Sarah have been taking this class with her since they were 3 and it's amazing how far they've come! Once they start kindergarten I'm not sure if they will continue or not. Both expressed interest in getting back into gymnastics. Zack wants to join more organized sports like soccer, hockey, basketball, football, badminton, tennis, bowling, curling...you name it...he thinks he will play it. Just like his father...sports addicted! I don't mind. He is very well coordinated and it all seems to come naturally for him. When he misses a shot, or a catch, he laughs it off. Always knows to tell others they made a good try, did well or keep trying. He's happy when other's succeed. It's wonderful to see. Thank you Ms. Tracy!!

My birthday is in a few days and this weekend should be fun...not as planned as it was supposed to be, but that's ok. Zack came down with strep throat today so I was home with them all day and they didn't sleep at Keith's tonight. No problem. Assuming we don't get a blizzard and Zack's antibiotics and Motrin don't work they way the pediatrician promised they would, fun will be had tomorrow night!! I'll update after...if it's appropriate! ;)

I just realized that I haven't updated anything on Opa. (For those who don't know me or him, Opa is my almost 98 year old grandfather who lives in Fla) Thank god my parents are there because this past weekend, apparently Opa had a mild stroke and subsequent TIA's. I could have gotten that wrong, but it's irrelevant. He was in the hospital for a few days, released, but had a setback and is now in the hospital again. His speech and right side seem to have been affected but more tests were completed today to get a better picture of what is going on. Please keep him in your thoughts. I know he is 98, but he is still my grandpa. My Opa. I talked to my mom today about making arrangements to take the kids down there so we could spend some time with him. I will wait on making that decision until we hear from the dr tomorrow. We will know much more then.

Lots of activity on the house this week!! We've had more showings this week than we've had in the last 6 months!! It's nice to see the activity...but let's bring on the offers!!! I swear I'm not going for a Guinness record on the length of time a house is for sale!! Come on already, people!!!

I think that's about it for now!! "see" ya soon!!!

Is it Thursday? Sunday? No, maybe it's Monday.

I know it's been a while since I've posted but I have been very busy. There have been many changes in the practice I work for which unfortunately have me struggling at the moment. I'm told it will all pay off in the long run, but I don't see it yet!! In the meantime I've added another day at work. Not what I would have liked to do, but I really had no choice. So, it's been a pretty good couple of weeks but very busy. My parents arrived in Florida this afternoon and will be spending the weekend in Disney World. Zack and Sarah are so excited and are truly hoping that Mimi and Papa get to say hi to all the characters for them. Next week they will be off to visit Opa (my almost 98 year old grandfather). I haven't seen him since May of last year so I'm anxious to see him hopefully soon as well! My big day is coming up...11 days exactly, but who's counting! It's amazing what difference a year makes! Last year at this time I was in a full blown panic about turning 30 and my life being a train wreck. That was then and I've come a long way since. Yes, I'm still in the same house, living the same life, waiting to move on...but I've learned so much about myself. I've put myself out there to meet new people. I Specifically, have met so many wonderful people through my meet-up group! I'm working hard on me and when I take stock in my life...I know I have a long way to go...but I can also see how far I've come! Anyway, I plan to spend my birthday with the people I love the most and have a BLAST!! (I may or may not remember all of it, but knowing me, I'll be the designated driver! :)

Happy Freaking Valentine's Day

Yeah, right. This coming from a pathetically lonely, yet love avoidant divorcee. Everywhere I've looked since Christmas has consisted of hearts, flowers and love, love, and more love. This used to be a day to celebrate. Keith will be celebrating. He has someone to celebrate with! Am I jealous? Sort of. I'm jealous of the company he has. The warm hugs he gets if he wants them. I do know he is buying his time with her. How can he be so committed to her when Christmas Eve he was begging for another chance. He can't be alone. But I can. I know that I am spending my time getting healthy. Getting to a point where I can give of myself again to someone else. Be willing and able to trust again. I have a feeling that will take a long time, but I'm hopeful. That's good, right? So, in the meantime, I avoid anything hearts and gushy love stuff. I'm sorry I'm not sending cards to those of you I do love. I just bring myself to that aisle at the store. I will again but for now I hope you all understand. This is Thursday for me, nothing more.

For the kids, on the other hand, it's a fun time. They have no concept of what Valentine's Day really is, but enjoy making pretty pictures and cards for their friends and family. Especially for Sarah...she is thrilled that everything now are hearts and pink! What's better than that for a kid who thinks she is a princess?! So, I hope everyone has a great day, whether you are actually celebrating with your special someone or boycotting the day like me! :)

I'm finally able to say it...

My kids are weird! I was just talking to them about what we are going to do later, since it's a crummy day outside and I don't want to go anywhere. I suggested after dinner cuddling on the couch with popcorn and watching a movie. Zack said "How about we cuddle and eat carrots?" CARROTS??? I said don't you want popcorn? His response..."But aren't carrots healthy?" Can't argue with that...

I'd like to introduce...

My new and improved Little Pillow!! For those of you who have known me for most of my life have had the pleasure to also know my little pillow. This was the product of a home ec project in my 7th grade class and since then, I may have slept 4-5 days without it. No joke!! It went on every family vacation, cruise, honeymoon and even to the hospital when I gave birth!!! Guess it's my comfort object, because it causes me sheer anxiety at the thought of sleeping without it. Naturally, over the last 20 years, my pillow had been repaired, restuffed...all the necessary "surgeries." But, it has also begun to discintegrate to the point that more "surgeries" wouldn't help. So, the kids and I took a trip a few weeks ago to JoAnn Fabrics and picked out new fabric. Today, while the kids spent the day with Keith, I spent the day recovering my little pillow. It still smells great, is the right shape and is just perfect and brand new! I wish I had before pictures, but enjoy the new and improved Little Pillow...

In mourning...

Not me, really, but more like all of New England. Pathetic, I know, but I actually watched the entire Super Bowl last night. At first I said I'd watch the commercials and then at some point I found I was actually watching! Go figure! It took me to get divorced to actually watch a football game. Forget the fact that it was the super bowl! Never mattered before. So, every male New Englander I've talked to today has sounded like their best friend had died. I know it was a big deal, but come on people!!! It's just football!! And now I'm going back to watching TLC, HGTV, and Lifetime...normal girl-stuff!!!

Doing the HAPPY DANCE!!

Thank you for all of your well-wishes and prayers! They've worked. All my test results have come back and every single thing is NORMAL!!!!! Still makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me, but I guess I'm more like my mom than I think I am...we don't do things half way. It's all the way and to the extreme or nothing. But, thankfully I'm ok, I'll be around for a VERY long time and thats all that matters. YEAH!!!!

Food for thought (for all of us!)

I just received this as an email and it touched me. I'm unsure of the author but wanted to share it anyway. As a divorced mom, it spoke to me in all ways. But, as I was reading it, I thought that everyone could relate. Enjoy!

Perhaps the most challenging, frustrating and painful journey we embark upon in our lives is the search for someone to love -- who will love us back. I get stacks of emails from people who are in the throes of agony over their relationships, whether it’s 15 months, or 15 years down the line. There are stories of lies, heartbreak, betrayal and indifference. And sadly, many people tolerate it for years on end, all in the name of "love."

Well, if you’re in an unhappy relationship, where you are being treated with disdain, disrespect or derision, you most certainly SHOULD fall in love with someone else.

YOURSELF.

If you do not love yourself first and foremost above all else, you will never be truly happy in a relationship. I’m not talking about selfish, narcissistic love, or love at the expense of others.

What I mean is self-respect, acceptance and appreciation for the person you are -- warts and all.

When you love someone, you want only the best for them, right? You look out for their safety. You make sure they’re well taken care of. You certainly don’t want them to be hurt. These things are all pretty obvious, right? So why don’t people treat themselves the same way?

Because they don’t love themselves. They’re not looking out for their best interests.

If you love yourself, respect who you are as a person, realize you are entitled to respect and honesty from others, you wouldn’t put up with crap! You wouldn’t accept it as "your fate" or "the best you can do."

You’d do something to change it. Talk about it. Get help from a counselor. If you love yourself, you do NOT continue to accept pain and heartache.

It’s hard to develop confidence and self-belief in the face of adversity, but it is impossible without a strong foundation of love and respect for yourself. Love for yourself is what gives you the power to speak up, ask questions, seek help and change your circumstances.

And another thing! Until you know yourself, accept and understand your strengths and weaknesses, you cannot really love another person.

You must be filled with love yourself in order to love another. After all, you must have something to give! Otherwise, in a relationship, you’ll suck. Suck the love from someone else, and use it simply to fill up your void. I’m sure you’ve met some "suckers" in your life -- I know I have. But until you know what makes your heart "tick," how can you entrust its care and feeding to someone else?

Here’s the way I look at it, and maybe it will help you too.

I’m the queen of my heart. As queen, I expect to be treated with respect. In my realm, I will only allow people who value and appreciate me. No one will raise his hand up to me. I will not allow anyone who lies or cheats to live in my queendom. Those who break the rules will be punished by banishment, or I will pick up my queendom and move it someplace out of their reach. Crap, baggage and garbage will be swiftly discarded, lest my queendom become stinky. I will only give my precious heart to someone who can demonstrate he can take care of it the way I do: with care, respect, understanding and appreciation. And I will ALWAYS lead by example.
After all, how can you expect others to love, respect and honor YOU if you don’t yourself?

Speaking of questions...

Get a load of this conversation!!!

Go figure...today I had company when I got out of the shower...2 nosey 4 year olds! I was trying to dry my hair while Sarah was jiggling my belly asking why it was so squishy. We've had this conversation before! I just laughed and tried to be silly, telling them it was jiggly because they used to be in there...can you see where this conversation is going?? They asked HOW they got in there and I ignored the question. (Hey!! I don't know the right thing to say!!) Then they asked how they got OUT!? I tried to keep it light and funny, joking around with them while my face turned beet red. Well, they kept pushing and pushing...asking if they popped out of my belly button...if they came out of my nostrils. So I told them the truth and said that babies come out of mommy's vagina's, and that was why only mommy's could have babies. Sarah is still bouncing and laughing. She either didn't hear, or didn't care. But I could see that Zack stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to me, straight faced, and asked if they fell into the toilet!!!! HAHAHAHahahahah....I couldn't stop laughing!!!! He was very serious at first but lightened up when he saw I was laughing. I explained that a doctor helped me have them and toilets were not involved at all. Guess that was all I had to say because then they ran off to play. I was rolling on the ground laughing!!! Later they told Keith not to worry...they weren't born into a tiolet. Guess I should have told him about the conversation earlier! Good thing he knew enough to just answer "Good! I'm glad!"

Who? What? Where? Why? When?

And I'm sure they can think of many other questions to ask...how come? But why? But why? But why? Oh yeah...it has begun! The stage of asking about anything and everything!

I'm told it's a sign of intelligence. The more they ask the more they learn. Very inquisative children. Ok...I get it, but what happens when I don't have answers for their questions? Or don't have answers that satisfy them??? Then what?

I'll give you some examples:

How are tv's made? But who makes them? But WHY do they make tv's? How come they don't want to make pensils instead? Where do pencils come from? Who brings them to the store? Why do we need pencils? How come we can't erase pen? Can we grow up to be a pen? How about a cat? How are cats made? How did the kitten get into the mommy cat's belly? ok....you can see where this is going. We've already begun the questions how they came to be. They are 4 years old!!!! Any hints as to how to address this? I've said that mommy and daddy wished for babies so hard that God put them in mommy's tummy. Guess who is now wishing very hard for babies? (ok, more Sarah at the moment than Zack, who just wants to be a hockey star! That's his current wish)

As frustrating as it is at times, it still makes me smile! Yes...I am a gushing mother! I have already decided that I will be the mom at the dance recitals who come with 4 dozen roses, 16 cameras and a box of tissues, or the mom who runs onto the basketball court to give my boy a hug and a kiss in the middle of a game for trying hard at making a shot but missing. Or the one who wants to personally tackle the quarterback who tackles my child during a football game. Guess this is teaching me to sit back, relax and enjoy what comes. Lead them in the right direction and keep my fingers crossed that all turns out well. Oye...easier said than done. In the meantime I will do my best to answer their questions and try to change the subject for those questions I don't have answers for. WIsh me luck!

It's been pretty quiet

But...keep the prayers coming! I had some tests done today and so far so good! Just waiting for one more and then I can breathe a sigh of relief. Thank you so much, all of you, for keeping me in your thoughts!

Otherwise, as my title says, things have been pretty quiet. The kids are great! Healthy finally and still testing me and my super power abilities. Who would have thought that 2 little 4 year olds could make me laugh as they do. Nothing has ever made me feel more complete...more pure happiness and satisfaction as my children do. They are the best things that have ever happened to me. I know I say that a lot...but I really mean it!! Really, really! :)

Apparently now I have super powers!!

Now see if you can imagine this: I am standing at the stove stirring something and one of the kids opens a drawer. Without turning my head I said "Close it." This exact example happened the other day with Sarah. She said "How'd you even know I opened it?" I tried to explain to her that I could still see it out of the corner of my eye. She didn't really understand, so to be silly, I said "mom's can see everything." This kept up over the last few days with both kids testing me. Sarah would cough. I'd say "Cover your mouth!" She'd say "how'd you know I didn't?" Each time I'd say "Mom's can see everything." Tonight I was cleaning up dinner while I was listening to the kids play in the other room. Zack was jumping on a toy I had asked him by then a thousand times NOT to jump on. Sarah told him to stop and he responded that mom couldn't see. (I'm giggling to myself by this point!) Sarah said "Remember, mom has super powers!" And Zack's response was "Yeah, she could probably see through the walls too!" Hahahahahaha!!! Now I have super powers!! If only I could use those super powers to clean my house for me!

My poor Little Sarah!

My poor baby has pneumonia. She and Zack came down with a cold last week and have been sick ever since. Over the weekend I both had on and off fevers, but mostly low grade. Zack got much better while Sarah got worse. I was concerned about the fever so we went to the pediatrician this afternoon. My poor little munchkin. She is now on antibiotics and an albuterol inhaler. She has always been they type of kid you never knew was sick. Today it was an understatement to say that she looked pitiful. I'm sure after a couple of days she will be back to her normal self and feeling much better!!

At least she wasn't too sick this past Saturday! Auntie Marci and Aunt Sheila took her shopping for her flower girl dress for Auntie Marci's wedding. She had soooo much fun and truly felt like a princess all day.

I wanted to share at least one picture (don't worry, Marci...none of the important ones!)