40 minutes left to November...

Tomorrow is December 1st. Just in case you didn't realize that. December brought for me, last year, the demise of my marriage...from girl's night with Marci on the 9th to my phone call from Rob on the 11th, and basically kicking Keith out on the 15th. During that time I played detective and learned how to master my facades. Not once did he realize anything was wrong the whole week...little did he know. Guess he was distracted. I knew then how much my life would change when I said those words "I want a divorce." But, never did I think I'd still be here, laying on my couch in what was supposed to be our dream home, a full year later! We listed the house on the market in February and 2 days ago we got our first offer. I'm very superstitious, so even writing those words causes me anxiety. In a nutshell, the offer was low, we countered their offer and we're still waiting...Ohh the lovely waiting game! Thankfully Melissa is in the process of moving this weekend to a new house so Zack and Sarah are all about moving! If this works out, it couldn't come at a better time! They really don't understand any of it, but if moving is good for their best friends, it's good enough for them!! I go back and forth being absolutely terrified out of my mind at the thought of moving and buying a new house all on my own. The next minute I'm thrilled and want it tomorrow!! Ohh did I fail to mention that the people who made the offer on my house want to close in 30 days...yup!! You read that right. Not sure what the kids and I and the dogs and the cats...phew! That's a lot of us...will do! We'll figure it out. Everything happens for a reason, right? And what better way to start the new year and put 2007 behind me than selling my house. Cutting the last remaining ties I have to Keith (except the kids of course!) Sounds good. Hopefully I'll hear soon and will be able to post with good news!

On a side note, I wanted to talk about some exciting things coming up for 2008...weddings!!!! My friend Lisa is getting married in July, Marci in September and Jill in November. Busy, busy! But so exciting!! I wanted to wish each of you a lifetime of dreams come true! May only the best come your way with little struggles and difficulty, but much love, happiness, health and compromises!

And how can I forget to add that my little Zack and Sarah will be the flower girl and ring bearer for Marci and Marc next September. How freaking cute will my munchkins be?!?! Sarah is already preparing! She came into my room the other morning carrying her pocketbook.

This was our conversation:

Sarah: "I'm ALL ready!!!"
me: "For school? It's too early."
Sarah: "No, for Auntie Marci's wedding!"
me: "Hmm??" (hey! It's 6am people!!)
Sarah: "I have my brush, comb and curling iron. I have to curl my hair for Auntie Marci's wedding. I'm ready."
me: "Ok honey." (don't you remember I said it was 6am!?)

Later I tried to explain to her that Auntie Marci and Uncle Marc wouldn't be getting married until after she turned 5 years old. She said "Ok. Then I'll be ready", as she was pretending to curl her hair in the mirror. Marci has created a monster in my daughter! :)

Going back a bit in time...

Ok...first of all, Thanksgiving. Keith had the kids for the day and I went to a new friend Sandy's house. She is the organizer for the single parents meet-up group I joined a while ago. She opened her door to those of us without our children for the holiday or for those who have their children but no family to be with. It was a great day! The food was fantastic, the music was great and the company even better. I'm was so thankful to have met this wonderful group of people. On Friday, the kids and I went to my parent's house for OUR family thanksgiving. Speaking of great food!! I'm sorry, but nothing beats mom's cooking! We had a very nice day just the four of us and dessert with Aunt Sheila and Auntie Marci. I finally got to see Marci's GORGEOUS engagement ring! We can't be more excited about Marci and Marc's upcoming wedding...The planning is in full swing and my lips are sealed!! (don't worry Marci! I had you sweating, didn't I?!)

The rest of the weekend consisted of breakfast with cousin Aaron, cousin Elaine and cousin Steve...that's always a trip!! I swear, the kids just can't get enough of Aaron!! We did a lot of playing and more eating! Today (Sunday) was Aunt Hyla and Uncle Ivan's 40th anniversary party. We all had a great time...and yet again, great food!!!! (see a theme here?) Overall, it was a great weekend, a great Thanksgiving, and fantastic food!

I'm back...finally!

Sorry for the delay in posting about our trip. We got back from Disney late Saturday night and it's been a whirlwind ever since...just trying to get back into our old routine, sleep schedules, work...etc. It's amazing how off we were after only 7 days away!!

Ok...the trip. It was great for the kids. I'm very glad I decided to go and don't regret it at all!! We spent a lot of time in Magic Kingdom, met all the characters and rode on lots of rides! It was a challenge because every ride the kids went on was their favorite. That one ride was the only one they wanted to go on and it was a fight to convince them to try another ride. Once we did...the new one was their favorite. And so on...Tired yet?! We had breakfast with Chef Mickey and friends at the Contemporary resort and breakfast with the princesses in Epcot. We spent some time in Epcot but the kids weren't interested in the countries, so most of our time there consisted of eating or shopping. We did spend a few hours at Blizzard Beach (water park) which was a blast!! We didn't go to MGM...kid's aren't really old enough for much. Ohh yeah...and we went to Animal Kingdom. The safari at Animal Kingdom was great as were the rides. The kids really loved it here! We stayed at the Pop Century Resort which celebrates pop cultures from the 50's to the 90's. Very cool! Our room was in the 60's building. Just outside our room was a 4 story Mickey Mouse telephone...just like something I would have had when I was 9. There was also a Foosball table with figures a story and a half tall...everything in this resort was over sized! Even Mr. and Mrs. Potato heads were over 2 stories tall and there was a 4 story tall Rubik cube! We spend some time at the hotel, but not much. Mainly for meals, playing for a bit in the arcade, swimming a few times in the pool, shopping and sleeping. The kids really had a great time, despite cycling through being completely overwhelmed, completely ecstatic, or completely overtired! The first night there Sarah actually feel asleep on Keith at dinner in the Rainforest Cafe. If you've ever been there you know it's anything but quiet...she didn't seem to mind! :)

I on the other hand, had a tough week. It was very hard being so close to Keith for 7 days straight. Especially after being separated for almost a year! It was hard to not fall back into old habits. I found that he struggled with it too by catching himself call me "sweetie," or making old comments. I kept myself from doing any of that but I was all too aware of wanting to put my hand on his leg, or lean into him...just because it's what I would have done. After a few days of that the emotional roller coaster became even worse. I also discovered while there that he has a girlfriend (don't even ask me how I found out...not going there!) which was a blow. I had a feeling and I knew he had been dating for a while but this one apparently is more that just a date. My heart hurts but throughout the week it was very apparent why I'm not with him. Almost on a daily basis I would say to myself "Thank god I don't have to deal with that anymore!!" I knew from the beginning that he wouldn't be single for long...he doesn't have it in him. That just says to me that he hasn't learned from any of his mistakes and will continue to make them over and over. Not my problem, right?! I'm taking my time and doing what I need to do to get healthy. My only fear is that the children will suffer the repercussions of his issues. My hope is that they will always see me as strong, resilient, fun, stable and consistent, despite what kind of life their father lives. I will make mistakes, but I will do what I can to learn from my mistakes and grow from them. I hope they learn this from me. So, anyway...I'm glad the week is over and I'm very glad to get back into real life. I feel much better being home and now I just have to find where I left my patience...maybe back in Fla??

Tomorrow will be my first holiday without my children. I was invited to go with the kids to Keith's aunt's house for Thanksgiving, but I decided not to go. I am going to a woman's house (who I am beginning to get to know better) who runs the single parent's meet-up group I belong to. She is having people over who don't have their children for the holiday, or who have their children but no family to be with. She is expecting 18 adults, most of whom I know. I'm really looking forward to it and it should be a lot of fun! They can get pretty wild which is right up my alley. The kids are sleeping over at Keith's tomorrow night, which will be a nice break for me, and then Friday the kids and I are going to my parent's for our Thanksgiving. I'm spending the weekend, which should be really nice. So...all in all, I'm hoping for an uneventful and fun next 4 days. Hope you all have a fabulous Thanksgiving!!!

So long folks!

For about a week...I'm off to Disney tomorrow morning. The kids are beyond excited! Tonight as I was putting them to bed we were talking about who they wanted to meet. Zack said "I only want to meet Mickey." I told him there will be many other character to meet, but he said "as long as I get to see Mickey." Ohh honey, you'll meet Mickey alright! And Sarah said she is excited to see Tinkerbell and Cinderella. I told her she would see Cinderella's castle and she said "The REAL one?!" Ohh they have no idea what they are in for!! I'm getting very excited living through them and we aren't even there yet. So, I'm finally getting to the point where I can sit and say that I know I'll have a good time. I know I can put all of that other stuff aside and enjoy a week away with my kids. I'll have my computer so if I can I'll check in and post some pictures. Gotta do something as I lay in the hotel room while Zack and Sarah are sleeping, right? Then again, I'll probably be snoozing as well! :)

Happy Birthday to my sister, Jodi. Wish you were here.

I'm nervous, I'm nervous, I'm nervous!!!

Or absolutely crazy, maybe!! In 4 days I leave for Disney world with my ex husband, our children and HIS family. OK, as I type that I KNOW I'm crazy!! How could I go on a family vacation with people who aren't my family anymore? WE aren't a family anymore! But, they are! To clear up any misconceptions, I am going for my children. To be there with them the first time they meet Mickey. How could I miss that?? And the kids and I will be staying in one hotel room and Keith will be staying with his parents. Now I hear you all breathe a sigh of relief...of course I wouldn't stay with him. It's bad enough that I'm going on a weeks vacation with him! :) But, seriously, I think I wouldn't be as nervous if it were just Keith and I. We get along fine! It's awkward sometimes but not bad. Add his family into the mix and I feel like I can't be me. I'll have to put on a pretend smile all week long, no matter how I feel. OK, my rational brain tells me that I can act any way I want and the hell with anyone to tell me otherwise...I know that. But, I'm also pretty good at pretending and it seems to come more naturally since our separation and divorce. Don't worry...I'm working on it!! Very hard.

So, the count down has begun...

Zzzzzz......

Oye! I'm tired!! I don't know if it's from being sick, or the time change but both kids have been up every morning between 5-5:30am!!! Ugh...Sleep children sleep! And they have been going to bed at the same time too so I'm baffled! They gave me their cold and I'm totally overwhelmed with Disney coming up!! Not now, not now, not now!! I need sleep...Aaahhhhh.....

Getting ready for school

Hahaha...you have to look at these pictures and laugh! I know I did! As I was running around getting the kids backpacks ready for school, I hear them both in the other room tell me that they are helping to get ready. I expected to come in and see them getting their snacks, their shoes on or maybe picking up some toys. Nope! I come in to find Sarah sweeping the kitchen floor while Zack brushes her hair! Sarah said that she asked Zack to do her hair for her because I hurt her too much and he is more gentle. She said she wanted to sweep because the dogs dragged in leaves. How thoughtful! And what a nice brother to do her hair for her! I wonder if he'll do that as readily in 5 years or so! :)

Halloween

My little muchkins were well enough to go trick-or-treating last night! They had a great time! We had to bring the stroller because Sarah had a hard time breathing, but we actually made it all the way to the end of the side street near my house. It was a fun night!