Is it Thursday? Sunday? No, maybe it's Monday.

I know it's been a while since I've posted but I have been very busy. There have been many changes in the practice I work for which unfortunately have me struggling at the moment. I'm told it will all pay off in the long run, but I don't see it yet!! In the meantime I've added another day at work. Not what I would have liked to do, but I really had no choice. So, it's been a pretty good couple of weeks but very busy. My parents arrived in Florida this afternoon and will be spending the weekend in Disney World. Zack and Sarah are so excited and are truly hoping that Mimi and Papa get to say hi to all the characters for them. Next week they will be off to visit Opa (my almost 98 year old grandfather). I haven't seen him since May of last year so I'm anxious to see him hopefully soon as well! My big day is coming up...11 days exactly, but who's counting! It's amazing what difference a year makes! Last year at this time I was in a full blown panic about turning 30 and my life being a train wreck. That was then and I've come a long way since. Yes, I'm still in the same house, living the same life, waiting to move on...but I've learned so much about myself. I've put myself out there to meet new people. I Specifically, have met so many wonderful people through my meet-up group! I'm working hard on me and when I take stock in my life...I know I have a long way to go...but I can also see how far I've come! Anyway, I plan to spend my birthday with the people I love the most and have a BLAST!! (I may or may not remember all of it, but knowing me, I'll be the designated driver! :)

Happy Freaking Valentine's Day

Yeah, right. This coming from a pathetically lonely, yet love avoidant divorcee. Everywhere I've looked since Christmas has consisted of hearts, flowers and love, love, and more love. This used to be a day to celebrate. Keith will be celebrating. He has someone to celebrate with! Am I jealous? Sort of. I'm jealous of the company he has. The warm hugs he gets if he wants them. I do know he is buying his time with her. How can he be so committed to her when Christmas Eve he was begging for another chance. He can't be alone. But I can. I know that I am spending my time getting healthy. Getting to a point where I can give of myself again to someone else. Be willing and able to trust again. I have a feeling that will take a long time, but I'm hopeful. That's good, right? So, in the meantime, I avoid anything hearts and gushy love stuff. I'm sorry I'm not sending cards to those of you I do love. I just bring myself to that aisle at the store. I will again but for now I hope you all understand. This is Thursday for me, nothing more.

For the kids, on the other hand, it's a fun time. They have no concept of what Valentine's Day really is, but enjoy making pretty pictures and cards for their friends and family. Especially for Sarah...she is thrilled that everything now are hearts and pink! What's better than that for a kid who thinks she is a princess?! So, I hope everyone has a great day, whether you are actually celebrating with your special someone or boycotting the day like me! :)

I'm finally able to say it...

My kids are weird! I was just talking to them about what we are going to do later, since it's a crummy day outside and I don't want to go anywhere. I suggested after dinner cuddling on the couch with popcorn and watching a movie. Zack said "How about we cuddle and eat carrots?" CARROTS??? I said don't you want popcorn? His response..."But aren't carrots healthy?" Can't argue with that...

I'd like to introduce...

My new and improved Little Pillow!! For those of you who have known me for most of my life have had the pleasure to also know my little pillow. This was the product of a home ec project in my 7th grade class and since then, I may have slept 4-5 days without it. No joke!! It went on every family vacation, cruise, honeymoon and even to the hospital when I gave birth!!! Guess it's my comfort object, because it causes me sheer anxiety at the thought of sleeping without it. Naturally, over the last 20 years, my pillow had been repaired, restuffed...all the necessary "surgeries." But, it has also begun to discintegrate to the point that more "surgeries" wouldn't help. So, the kids and I took a trip a few weeks ago to JoAnn Fabrics and picked out new fabric. Today, while the kids spent the day with Keith, I spent the day recovering my little pillow. It still smells great, is the right shape and is just perfect and brand new! I wish I had before pictures, but enjoy the new and improved Little Pillow...

In mourning...

Not me, really, but more like all of New England. Pathetic, I know, but I actually watched the entire Super Bowl last night. At first I said I'd watch the commercials and then at some point I found I was actually watching! Go figure! It took me to get divorced to actually watch a football game. Forget the fact that it was the super bowl! Never mattered before. So, every male New Englander I've talked to today has sounded like their best friend had died. I know it was a big deal, but come on people!!! It's just football!! And now I'm going back to watching TLC, HGTV, and Lifetime...normal girl-stuff!!!

Doing the HAPPY DANCE!!

Thank you for all of your well-wishes and prayers! They've worked. All my test results have come back and every single thing is NORMAL!!!!! Still makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me, but I guess I'm more like my mom than I think I am...we don't do things half way. It's all the way and to the extreme or nothing. But, thankfully I'm ok, I'll be around for a VERY long time and thats all that matters. YEAH!!!!

Food for thought (for all of us!)

I just received this as an email and it touched me. I'm unsure of the author but wanted to share it anyway. As a divorced mom, it spoke to me in all ways. But, as I was reading it, I thought that everyone could relate. Enjoy!

Perhaps the most challenging, frustrating and painful journey we embark upon in our lives is the search for someone to love -- who will love us back. I get stacks of emails from people who are in the throes of agony over their relationships, whether it’s 15 months, or 15 years down the line. There are stories of lies, heartbreak, betrayal and indifference. And sadly, many people tolerate it for years on end, all in the name of "love."

Well, if you’re in an unhappy relationship, where you are being treated with disdain, disrespect or derision, you most certainly SHOULD fall in love with someone else.

YOURSELF.

If you do not love yourself first and foremost above all else, you will never be truly happy in a relationship. I’m not talking about selfish, narcissistic love, or love at the expense of others.

What I mean is self-respect, acceptance and appreciation for the person you are -- warts and all.

When you love someone, you want only the best for them, right? You look out for their safety. You make sure they’re well taken care of. You certainly don’t want them to be hurt. These things are all pretty obvious, right? So why don’t people treat themselves the same way?

Because they don’t love themselves. They’re not looking out for their best interests.

If you love yourself, respect who you are as a person, realize you are entitled to respect and honesty from others, you wouldn’t put up with crap! You wouldn’t accept it as "your fate" or "the best you can do."

You’d do something to change it. Talk about it. Get help from a counselor. If you love yourself, you do NOT continue to accept pain and heartache.

It’s hard to develop confidence and self-belief in the face of adversity, but it is impossible without a strong foundation of love and respect for yourself. Love for yourself is what gives you the power to speak up, ask questions, seek help and change your circumstances.

And another thing! Until you know yourself, accept and understand your strengths and weaknesses, you cannot really love another person.

You must be filled with love yourself in order to love another. After all, you must have something to give! Otherwise, in a relationship, you’ll suck. Suck the love from someone else, and use it simply to fill up your void. I’m sure you’ve met some "suckers" in your life -- I know I have. But until you know what makes your heart "tick," how can you entrust its care and feeding to someone else?

Here’s the way I look at it, and maybe it will help you too.

I’m the queen of my heart. As queen, I expect to be treated with respect. In my realm, I will only allow people who value and appreciate me. No one will raise his hand up to me. I will not allow anyone who lies or cheats to live in my queendom. Those who break the rules will be punished by banishment, or I will pick up my queendom and move it someplace out of their reach. Crap, baggage and garbage will be swiftly discarded, lest my queendom become stinky. I will only give my precious heart to someone who can demonstrate he can take care of it the way I do: with care, respect, understanding and appreciation. And I will ALWAYS lead by example.
After all, how can you expect others to love, respect and honor YOU if you don’t yourself?